Sasquatch: Creation Myth

The following is a series of reminisces, reflections and revelations of the author's time spent observing North America's Sasquatch population. These stories are to be assumed as fact and hardly ever to be thought of as fiction. It would be impossible to attempt to disprove them dear reader since the author has warned the Sasquatchion authorities that any other human visitors to their boarders are surely only interested in harvesting the Sasquatch equivalent of souls, which is surprisingly pretty much the same as ours just slightly larger and smells of cedar.

The Sasquatch or Sasquatchians as they prefer to be called, have a deeply mystic and superstitious culture. This is no more evident than in their creation myth.

The story was passed on to me by the Sasquatchian Grand High Priest. This holy Sasquatch is not only revered by the community for his connection to the mystical forces they worship, but also for reaching such advanced years. Though mainly it's for reaching such an advanced age since universal heath care is one of their greatest taboos right after the harvesting souls and before washing your hands after going to the bathroom (or the Sasquatch equivalent). During a life time of meditation he has archived a level of enlightenment few of the near human mythical creatures have ever attained. Coincidently he also moonlights as a grade ten substitute MRE teacher.

Their creation story which is printed on tablet #2 of their 1,528 and a half holy tablets (tablet #1 is a forward written by Charles Dickens who was a close personal friend of the Sasquatchian great creator from their years spent at Wellington House Academy in North London).

The tablet depicts the Sasquatchian great creator blowing his five headed breath of life the Saquatch refer to as smreps across a rare spotted lined cedar (which explains the smell of the Sasquatchian souls) from which the first Sasquatch grew.

The yellow colour of the table has great significance for the Sasquatchians. As yellow is the favorite colour of the Sasquatchian great creator (see holy table 1401) and every living creature urinates, this proves that there is a little of the Sasquatchian great creator still inside all living creatures. Which is why it is also taboo to write anything else other than the great creator in the snow.

Stay tunned for further installments of Sasquatch lore, culture and technology.

Many thanks to Pillypowley my Sasquatch guide.